Unusual Desires and Jealous Friends
by Speedy Speck
Summary: Tifa and Reno start acting like eachother after a jealous someone curses them...One-Shot...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane'


Disclaimer: Final Fantasy does not belong to me...however much I may like it to. I own no characters, places etc. etc. so please don't sue me! I'm a nice person :)

Author's Note: Fifty Ninth Fanfic! And a one-shot as well...seems like ages since I did one...Woop!...Written for 'The Sacred and Profane (Sorry it took so long!)...PLEASE review as I really enjoy reading your views and they inspire me to get better! It would make me very very happy! Anyway stop reading this and get on with reading the fic! Hope you enjoy! :)

The brunette bartender lay on the floor, grappling with the young ninja, who was trying to claw herself away by grabbing on to the sturdy leg of the Bald Turk, whom in turn was trying desperately to retain his balance, with the help of a bar stool, to which he clung to as if it were a priceless gem.

A few metres away, the red headed Turk was being pushed against the way, five of his slender fingers intertwined within the bunch of silky blonde strands belonging to his only female co-worker, who was now yelping, while raising her own hand to his face, and pushing it backwards, which forced it to bump upon the hard surface of the wall, attempting to force him to realise her.

The five forms continued to pull, and push, punch and kick, and occasionally bit each other, not letting anything, or anyone distract them from the fight that had escalated from a few tiny comments to a full blown raging argument and then to their current situation within the space of two minutes, if that.

A muffled flush could be heard behind the Gents Loo's and soon the raven haired Turk, who had, by lucky coincidence, exited the bar, to visit the lavatory two minutes previous, thus making him the only member not involved, and currently not overcome by fury induced insanity.

His expression was one of confusion rather than surprise, and after giving a low groan slash sigh, he lowered his right hand to his waist bend, and wrapped his steady fingers around the weapon and proceeded to raise it, the barrel aimed high, avoiding any of the bustling bodies, scattered across the bar space.

The moment the gun shot rang through the air, it silenced the massing cries from the rampant group, whom two seconds previously looked as though they were intent on fighting to the death.

The shooter lowered the weapon and replaced it back in its strap, before turning his penetratingly serious glare upon the floored individuals, ''Now, does someone what to explain to me **what the hell **is going on...''

* * *

Earlier that day...

Reno's face contorted ever so slightly against the soft, pliable material of the pillow, as the incredibly drilling, annoyingly high pitched, completely dreaded ringing, that sounded from the vibrating alarm clock, found it's way to his ear drums.

In one slow, lingering motion, the red head raised his hand towards the bedside table, before allowing it to slam down upon the small piece of metal, stopping the incessant sound immediately.

After letting out a series of low grunts and moans, he stretched out his form beneath the covers and proceeded to pull the heavy piece of material from him, enjoying the refreshing qualities of the cold tingle of fresh air upon his skin.

The young man lay there in a somewhat state of serenity for a few minutes, before dragging himself up from the far too comfortable mattress, and strolling across the room, and entering through one of the two doors, into the bathroom.

''Ergh!'' His body reacted badly to the bright, white light, which was forcing itself from the bulb attached to the ceiling and down upon the room below.

It didn't help that his head felt like it had been sucked dry by a miniature super hover, his insides now suffering from a unique dehydration caused only the consumption of alcohol.

Luckily his hangover wasn't too bad, well that is compared to other ones he had experienced, but that was due rather more to his girlfriend, than his own self resistance.

After meticulously brushing his particularly white teeth, showering his beautifully scared body, styling his flame red locks and pulling on his boldly formidable Turk uniform, he began making his way to the kitchen in search of breakfast, leaving the brunette still sleeping, snoring rather loudly, while also allowing a trail of drool to flow from her lips, and down her cheek, onto the pillow below, _She's starting to take after me...how cute...and yet really quite disgusting..._

Though, the moment he reached his slender fingers out to the refrigerator door, his aquamarine orbs spied the time displayed on his wrist watch, and a rather surprisingly distraught wave washed over him and before he even knew what was happening, he had bolted out of the kitchen, through the front door and was in his car, half way to Shin-Ra HQ.

It was only when he felt the rumbling pang within his belly, that he registered the weirdness, of him, Reno, skipping out on breakfast on the account of not wanting to be late.

_Must still have some alcohol in my system...yeah...that's it..._

* * *

The brunette dove into the kitchen like a hungry mongrel, her pyjamas still covering her form, her skin still unshowered and the presence of stale night sweat evident in the air emulating from her body.

Within a matter of minutes she'd consumed two large bacon sandwiches and a pint glass of orange juice, and had now started on an extra massive bowl of coco pops.

It wasn't an extreme hunger that was compelling her to eat everything in the flat, it wasn't even some strange bout of madness, no, it was simply because, for no reason at all, she felt a completely alien desire to pig out and fill her gut to the point of bursting.

Though this feeling soon ebbed away after she swallowed down the newly plated stack of pancakes and took the time to look around the room, at the many empty containers and dirty cutlery.

If truth be hold, the young woman felt and looked absolutely disgusted at herself and her gluttonous actions, though again this feeling vanished as quickly and as suddenly as the previous desire for food had arisen and before long she was overcome with another need, but this time she found herself wanting desperately to sit on the sofa, watch the television, touch herself, and generally be as unproductive as possible.

* * *

The raven haired Turk sat by his desk, riffling through various files and papers, each important, each detailed, and each one needing to be read and competed by the end of the day.

As he lowered the moist nib of his pen to the dry, thin surface of one of the papers, a knock sounded from his door, and sighing, he laid the pen back down and called out to the supposed worker on the other side, ''Come in.''

Reno entered the room, in a somewhat similar fashion to the blonde Turk, his movements small and tentative, as if actually wanting approval from his superior, to whom, before now, he'd only ever shown an alarming display of disrespect, ''Sir.''

Tseng mouth almost fell open at the sight of the young red head, and proceeded to blink rapidly, in an attempt to test his visions correctness, before speaking in a sort of disbelieving whisper, ''You're...on time.''

Reno grinned at him, his joy purely genuine and actually quite frightening, ''Well yeah! Wouldn't want me to be late now, would you! Anyway, I've come to get my paperwork for the day!''

His smile remained in place, as the raven haired Turk stood completely still, observing the young man as if he'd just told him he wanted to get breast implants and change his name to Renette, ''You actually **want** your paperwork...?''

''Of course!'' Reno's brow was now arched slightly in innocent, amused confusion.

Without saying another word, Tseng slowly handed the red head some files, before resting back in his chair, and watching his co-worker leave, a bright, 'ready to work' expression, plastered all over his usually arrogantly cheeky face.

_His shirt was tucked in...and he was wearing...a tie...I didn't even think he owned one..._

He ran a hand through his raven coloured locks and sighed, suddenly feeling a mix of distrusting despair towards his and the red head's mental state.

* * *

After a few hours of slobbing out in the living room, Tifa had made her way downstairs to begin prepping the bar, so it was fit, in some sort of sense, to be opened to the general public for their admission.

Though in hindsight her mission had gone a little awry, as instead of cleaning up 'Seventh Heaven', she found herself cleaning out its liquor stocks, and consequently dirtying many glasses.

The fact that it was only three in the afternoon hadn't really crossed her mind, and instead she found herself experiencing a foreign craving, to which she decided to satisfy immediately.

Her hand lowered down to one of the draws behind the bar, and soon began fumbling inside, her fingers commencing a desperate search for the small packet, which she knew full well, Reno had hidden there.

It wasn't long before the brunette had found the desired object, and soon proceeded to whip out one of the white tubes and flicked it up to her lips, which proceeded to catch it with a rough sort of grace.

After grappling about with a box of matches, she managed to lite it, and Tifa sat, puffing away, strangely somehow not coughing, as the grey smoke entered and exited her interior in a, really quite stylish, fashion.

In the middle of her tenth drag from the tobacco filled tube, the distinctive sound of an unwanted early customer, who clearly couldn't read the 'Closed' sign outside, rattled at the door, causing the young woman to growl in agitation.

The seemingly blind person continued in their attempt to enter for a few lingering seconds, though they immediately stopped, when a rather gruff, crude voice sounded out from the brunette, ''Cock off!''

* * *

There was a definite sense of relief when the clock hands met to form the eighteenth hour, sending a silent signal to all the Turks that their working day was finally over.

Elena and Tseng were waiting by the elevator for their other two co-workers to join them, for it was Friday, and they always went out for a drink, as was tradition. At least since Reno joined them that is.

The red head was walking down the corridor towards them slowly, his bald partner strolling beside him, silent as ever, when, quite suddenly, Reno stuck out a hand and halted them in their tracks.

The taller form looked at his friend with mild confusion, which was hard to pick up on, due to the dark shades that camouflaged his eyes, and thus his emotions, so perfectly.

''I know we don't talk much Rude, but I just want you to know...you're a very good friend and...'' The red head paused for a few seconds, and took a deep breath before looking his parter straight in the shades, ''I really do love you very much.''

Before Rude could react in the form of either fainting in surprise, or taking out his gun to shoot his clearly insane partner, he found himself the victim of a rather tight embrace from the red head, who's hands were now wrapped around the bald Turk, like a child clinging to their mother when they bring them to school for the first time.

Though luckily for the both of them, Reno soon ended the hug and began skipping off towards the elevator, by which the blonde and the raven haired Turk now stood, looking at the pair with a mix of confusion and amused surprise, which only increased when the red head turned around and called back to his, still to shocked to move, partner, in a cheery sing song voice, ''Hurry up slow poke!''

* * *

When the four suited forms entered 'Seventh Heaven', they were welcomed with a rather, relaxed and unexpected greeting from the brunette standing behind the bar, ''Yo! What's up homies? The usual I suppose?''

Tseng eyes narrowed slightly, before he responded with a curt nod, and proceed to quickly turn back to his fellow Turks, stating that he was going to use the facilities, and that they were to behave themselves in his absence.

Meanwhile over by the bar, Tifa was busy preparing the Turk's drink order, while keeping a watchful eye on the young ninja, whom was perching upon a bar stool, her thieving hands lingering closer to the bartender's alcohol than was comfortable.

When Reno made his way over to collect his and his co-workers drinks, he was quick to notice one was missing, though it was Tifa who snatched it back, from the ninja lips, which had been mere centimetres away from the glass's rim, and when she attempted to grab it away once again, the brunette grunted at her, ''No way squirt.''

''Why not?''

''Because firstly, it doesn't belong to you, and secondly, you're too young!''

Yuffie wailed in protest, ''That is sooo not fair!''

''Life ain't fair darlin''' The last form of address sent both irritated and confused waves across the ninja's insides, though she soon recovered and put a testingly daring hand upon her hip.

''Hm! Well then, I'll just have to get my **own **drink **myself**!''

Tifa gave an amused huff, her voice suddenly filled with an unusual amount of cocky arrogance, ''I'd like to see you try...''

That statement was all it took, in a matter of seconds, the young ninja had reached around the bar and grabbed a bottle of amber liquid, which she proceed drain almost a quarter of, before Tifa knocked it from her fingers.

The brunette's eyes bore into Yuffie's threateningly, almost enough to make the young girl tremble, ''You're gunna pay for that, you annoying little brat!''

Before she could respond with a yelp of fear, the red head, who had been watching the whole situation escalate, piped up, causing both women to stop looking at each other, and stare at him with quirked eyebrows, ''Hey! Don't talk to her like that!''

''Why not? She **is** annoying...''

''So! You'll hurt her feelings!'' The red head proceeded to approach the young ninja, and lay a supposedly comforting hand on her shoulder.

Yuffie just sat there in a dumbfounded silence, _Is he...defending me?...He hasn't even had a drink yet!...I didn't know he took drugs..._

And from there, Tifa allowed her anger, and self pride to take over, and launched herself from the bar, intending to land on Reno, but instead got Yuffie, though she didn't seem to mind that much and proceeded to begin wrestling with her.

The red head attempted to pull the brunette away from the ninja, though found her grip was locked tight, and before he knew it, was being knocked back by the struggling forms, causing his own body to crash into Elena's, whom took it upon herself to respond with a rather hard slap, which in turn transformed the accidental collision into a full blown cat fight.

Rude stood there for a while, trying to process the event which had unfolded so rapidly, before finding himself drawn into the fray by five slender fingers that were clawing their way around his ankle.

* * *

The brunette ran a hand through her darkened locks as she rounded up the group's response with a simple sigh, ''So yeah...that's it basically...''

Tseng stood, looking at the group, his brow furrowed ever so slightly in thought, as the now, rather embarrassed individual's recital of the days events came to an end, his eyes shifting from Tifa, to his red headed co-worker, ''Have either of you...taken anything?''

Both answered simultaneously, one another's voices raised to the same, exact pitch of annoyance, ''No!''

The raven haired Turk raised an eyebrow at their loud outburst, but before he could open his mouth once again to air another inquiry, Yuffie piped up, her own curiosity over powering her fear of interrupting the superior male.

''Maybe you finally got so sick of each other's lovey dovey crap that both of you went insane?''

Again they responded together, but this time their voices were noticeably lower, and with a hint of tired exasperation ''No...''

It was then that a small, nervous cough sounded from the corner, by which the blonde Turk was slumped against the wall, her eyes darting around the floor, trying painstakingly to avoid meeting the gaze of the bar's other inhabitants, ''Erm, I think... I think, I might know what's going on...''

She took a deep, shaky breath, before continuing, ''I've been feeling rather...lonely lately...and I know it sounds pathetic...and stupid...but last week...when we were all out together for the that meal at the new chinese place...well...I...I couldn't help but notice how...well how happy you two were...and I couldn't stand it! Something in me just...snapped! And...well...I don't know why I did it, I feel like a complete idiot but...I just wanted to shake things up between you...and I just thought if you two weren't all 'blissful'...well...I'd feel better...But I swear I didn't know you'd start taking on aspects of each other's personalties like this! In fact...I didn't know what would happen!''

There was a tense, lingering pause, before Tifa cocked an eyebrow, still clearly confused, much like the rest of the bar's active forms, ''Wait, so...what did you do **exactly**?''

Elena let out the smallest gasp of relief at not being either shouted at, or shot, ''I cursed you...both of you actually...with a Materia that I found in-''

''Woo! Materia!'' Yuffie hands were in the air, in a sort of celebratory pose, though when her outburst was greeted only with glares, she lowered them and muttered in a quiet, rather embarrassed tone, ''Sorry...''

Reno shook his head away from the ninja and instead shot his glare, once again at the blonde Turk stood in the corner, ''You...cursed us!''

''Yeah, but don't worry!...It'll wear off...eventually...'' Elena sighed and quickly averted her gaze to one of the empty stools.

A low, tired groan escaped from Tifa's lips, while the red head nudged closer to his girlfriend, wrapping a tender arm around her slim shoulder in an effort to comfort her.

The blonde shifted her chocolate brown orbs up to their's, though she still cringed in nervous apprehension as she spoke, ''I don't suppose a 'sorry' will be enough?''

Reno glanced at the brunette, who met his gaze, and seemingly proceeded to read one another's minds, as both of their faces lit up, and their heads turned to Elena's, both shining devious smirks in her direction, and when Reno spoke, his voice was filled with playful, yet still fear inducing threat, ''Oh no, not nearly enough...''

* * *

During the following week, when the effects of the curse had worn off, Elena was scrubbing away in 'Seventh Heaven', collecting glasses, serving customers and generally cleaning every inch of the place.

True Tifa and Reno were enjoying their new slave, but after a discussion, they decided it would be best to secure some way of making sure she never got jealous again, plus, neither Tifa nor Reno wanted her to stay in her 'lonely' state.

And, neither could deny that Rude fit the companion slot nicely, though of course he didn't know it, and in fact neither did the blonde.

Though according to the brunette, both would soon come to the realisation, if they were forced to spend a lot of time together...alone.

Thus enter Reno, a cupboard in Shin-Ra HQ and a locked door, to which only the red head would possess the key.

Both Elena and Rude come to forgive the couple...eventually.

* * *

A/N= I know I changed it around a bit but hopefully it's ok :) And again I'm sorry it took so long XD


End file.
